Actively listen

Actively listen

Using the technique where you repeat what they say and listen to them more, I think that's helped” (school staff).

Active listening involves listening for meaning, not just listening to the words that are spoken. It can encourage the child or young person you are speaking with to continue talking and can help build rapport and understanding between you both.

Active listening includes:

• Focusing attention on the person speaking and using acknowledgements to demonstrate that you are listening;
• Reflecting and paraphrasing to ensure you have understood the message correctly. Try using phrases such as “Can I just check that you’re saying…”;
• Asking follow up questions to help clarify the person’s meaning. Try using phrases such as “Can you tell me more about…?” or “What did you mean when you said…?”;
• Summarising what you have heard occasionally and checking that you have understood what has been communicated as information can be interpreted differently;
• Not preparing your response whilst the other person is talking;
• Noticing their body language and tone of voice and what this might be communicating;
• Physically demonstrating that you are listening through eye contact, leaning forward, nodding in response to comments and matching your facial expressions with the information being conveyed;
• Responding with empathy, respect, curiosity and openness.

"They were just like, we think that you could do this. And I was like, but you have a school counsellor, can't I talk to her and see how it goes. And then I actually went to go and speak to her. And the response I got from her was, you've turned up to a couple of your lessons so turning up to the rest of them can't be so hard" (young person).

“We do a lot of listening to try to establish what the root cause of why they don't want to come in and in order to be very clear about what the issues are for that student” (school staff).

“He is supposed to have TA assistance in every lesson and he finds the way they work with him is not very helpful. It's very hard to know how that interaction is working, but it's obviously not working for him, and they need to change something” (parent).

It can also be helpful for adults to:

• Ensure there are clear boundaries and routines and reasons for these are clearly explained;
• Use consistent language when communicating;
• Consistently follow up in terms of the current situation;
• Use a calm and positive approach which avoids confrontation.

“Conversations side by side when you’re not looking them in the face anyway is always a good starter point” (parent).

Professionals supporting schools in Gloucestershire highlighted the importance of understanding the needs of children and young people who experience barriers to attending school, including understanding and empathising with the emotions they may be experiencing. The importance of listening to their experiences and views as well as supporting their family were identified. A pupil led, flexible approach was discussed as being important, using methods which help children and young people to feel comfortable, for example, being able to communicate virtually.

“He was so anxious, he just couldn't get the words out” (parent).

“He can’t sit in a room and be asked 'how do you feel about this'? It’s just a massive demand and a massive pressure and [he] can’t do it” (parent).